Good Boundaries and Good Byes: Lysa Terkeurst exemplifies a Nine Who's Done the Work

 

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There's a particular kind of courage it takes for a Nine to write a book called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes — and Lysa TerKeurst has earned every word of it. Join us as we revisit Ian's conversation with the New York Times bestselling author to explore what it actually looks like to wake up from the Nine's trance of self-forgetting, find your voice, and learn to hold the line with compassion and clarity.

Lysa gets honest about her own journey: the years of codependency during a long marriage marked by addiction and affairs, the discovery that boundaries aren't walls but communication tools, and the slow, non-linear work of learning to stop diminishing herself to cover for someone else's worst behavior. This episode is essential listening — not only for Nines but for anyone who has ever struggled to say no, set a limit, or walk away from a relationship that was taking more than it was giving.

In this episode, Ian and Lysa discuss:

  • The Nine's tendency to self-forget — and how that looks in conflict, breakups, and daily decisions

  • Lysa's defining mantra: "I will no longer diminish the best of who I am to cover up for the worst of who someone else is."

  • Practical scripts for saying no: "While my heart says yes, the reality of my time makes this a no."

  • The difference between compassion and clarity — and why a Nine needs both

  • How codependency shows up differently in Twos vs. Nines (and why they're so often confused)

  • The dangerous pattern of spiritual bypassing — and how Lysa's therapist called it out

Especially rich for Enneagram Nines and Twos — but every type will find something here worth writing down.

 

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Lysa TerKeurst is a New York Times bestselling author of more than 25 books with more than 6 million books in print. Her most recent books include Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can't Forget, and It's Not Supposed to Be This Way. She is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Lysa writes from her family’s farm table in North Carolina.

In her recent book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa helps you stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships by showing you biblical ways to set boundaries--and, when necessary, say goodbye--without losing the best of who you are.

Similar Episodes: Lysa TerKeurst episode in 2019, Panel of Nines, Type 9s with Beatrice Chestnut, Andy Gullahorn on Forming Own Opinions

 
 
 
 
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