COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS: Why We Struggle to Ask for What We Want (and How to Change It) with Attia Qureshi (S09-040)

 
Listen NOW

Last week, we kicked off our Courageous Conversations series with a fresh look at building emotional confidence. This week, we lay the groundwork for how personality, emotional regulation, and awareness all play into navigating conversations that matter. 

I sat down with Attia Qureshi—an expert in negotiation and persuasion—but what unfolds isn’t just about getting what you want. It’s about why we want what we want…and what’s really driving us underneath it all.

Attia shares a moment of deep rejection from her childhood that led her to build what she calls an “exoskeleton” of strength. And as we talked, it became clear how many of us are still walking around with some version of that same armor—negotiating, relating, and even loving from a place of protection rather than connection.

We explored how that plays out in everyday life—how we handle conflict, how we ask for what we need, how we respond when we feel threatened or unseen. And what I appreciated most about Attia is that she doesn’t just talk about tactics—she talks about transformation. About moving from control to curiosity. From winning to understanding. From guarding yourself…to actually showing up.

This is such an interesting topic that we invited Attia back for a second episode where we go even deeper into her book Never Settle and unpack how her core negotiation strategies apply to each Enneagram type. Think of it as taking everything we talk about today and making it incredibly practical and personal for how you move through the world.

And to help you get started, Attia has put together a fantastic Negotiation by Enneagram Type cheat sheet you can grab at attiaqureshi.com/typology.

Pull up a chair. This one’s going to get under the hood—in the best possible way.

 

About Attia Qureshi

Attia Qureshi is the founder of AQ Consulting, where she supports companies through negotiation, conflict resolution and organizational strategy. Her clients often call her their business's therapist. She is an adjunct at the Ford School of Public Policy at the University of Michigan and previously at MIT’s Sloan School of Management and Ross School of Business. She has also worked on behalf of the US State Department in conflict zones.

 
 
 

PLAYLIST BY ENNEAGRAM TYPE

TYPE 1 | TYPE 2 | TYPE 3 | TYPE 4 | TYPE 5 | TYPE 6 | TYPE 7 | TYPE 8 | TYPE 9

 
Relationships, Type 4, Anxiety, NewStory, SpiritualityIan Cronenneagram, spirituality, self-awarenessComment