From the NFL to the Pulpit: Derwin Gray on Forgiveness, Fear, and Finding Your Father (S10-011)

 
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What if the wound you’re trying so hard to fix isn’t asking to be fixed, but asking to be brought into the presence of God—and given time?

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to heal yourself on a deadline. You understand the wound. You’ve worked on the wound. Maybe you’ve even forgiven the person who caused it, and yet, somehow, you’re still carrying something you thought you’d already put down.

I know this feeling. Give me a problem, and I want to understand it, name it, work through it, and move on.

But healing rarely works that way. It takes time.

In this episode, I sit down with my new friend and colleague Rev. Dr. Derwin L. Gray to talk about what it means to let God meet us in the places we’re still hurting.

Dr. Gray played in the NFL before becoming a pastor, and as an Enneagram Eight, he knows something about strength…the kind that protects, fights, perseveres, and sometimes keeps us from letting anyone see what’s underneath.

We talk about passion, boundaries, vengeance, forgiveness, and the loneliness that can come with being the strong one. But one image Derwin offered has stayed with me: Healing isn’t a microwave. It’s a crockpot.

It happens slowly, patiently, in ways we can’t always see.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • The hidden wounds beneath our strengths and how the qualities that helped us survive can sometimes keep us from healing.

  • The complicated work of forgiving a parent and what happened when Derwin chose to release years of anger and pain.

  • Why vengeance can be such powerful fuel…and such a destructive one.

  • The loneliness of being “the strong one” and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to be seen.

  • Why spiritual and emotional healing often takes much longer than we want it to.

I hope this conversation gives you permission to slow down, to put down some of the armor, and to trust that healing doesn’t have to happen all at once.

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ABOUT REV. DR. DERWIN L. GRAY

 Dr. Derwin L. Gray is the co-founder of Transformation Church (TC), a multiethnic, multigenerational, mission-shaped community in Indian Land, South Carolina, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. Pastor Derwin serves as Lead Pastor. 

After graduating from BYU, Pastor Derwin played professional football in the NFL—five years with the Indianapolis Colts (1993–1997) and one year with the Carolina Panthers (1998). During that time, he and his wife, Vicki, began their journey with Christ and experienced God’s faithfulness as He moved their hearts to know Him and make Him known. 

Pastor Derwin graduated magna cum laude from Southern Evangelical Seminary with a Master of Divinity degree, concentrating in Apologetics, where he was mentored by renowned theologian and philosopher Dr. Norman Geisler. He received his Doctor of Ministry in the New Testament in Context from Northern Seminary under Dr. Scot McKnight (2018) and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Southern Evangelical Seminary (2015). 

In recognition of his commitment to gospel-centered justice and reconciliation, Dr. Derwin L. Gray was named the recipient of the John M. Perkins Justice Award, honoring visionary leaders whose lives and ministries exemplify the principles of biblical justice, compassion, and integrity. 

Pastor Derwin is also an award-winning author of several books. 

 
 
 
 
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